How Things Fall Apart
by TheHildur92
Summary: Six months after their inital breakup, Piper Chapman seeks out Alex Vause to ask for another chance. How will she respond? Takes place before Season 1. Alex/Piper.
1. Chapter 1

_The heat in the bar is stifling, but here I am in my element. Despite having travelled all over the world, the bars remain quite the same in every corner of the globe. The air is thick with the smell of unwashed bodies that move rhythmically to the music, and the places are usually laden with drugs and easy women. Most of them don't even identify as gay, until they meet me and before they know it, they are sucking my pussy in some alley. Take the woman I'm working on right now. She is married with three kids but bored with her accountant husband and ready for some female loving. I'm already making significant headway, as in shoving my tongue down her throat, when the door of the bar opens and in walks a face I never expected to see again, despite the fact the other woman is sucking my neck. She is easily recognisable with her long, blond locks and uncertain gaze._

 _Piper._

 _How often in the last six months has she been at the centre of my dreams? How often do I wake up screaming her name or moan it when I come? My last conquest was even insulted enough to get dressed and walk out without another word when this took place. How many hours have I spent staring at her picture standing on my nightstand?_

 _Piper spots me standing in a corner and quickly crosses the room, heading in my direction. My former lover reaches the table I share with my conquest and quickly gets in her face where she is now standing with her arm slung over my shoulders. My companion nervously asks who she is._

" _I'm the girlfriend," Piper announces emphatically. "Now, scoot!"_

 _My conquest does as she is told, no doubt glad to leave her explorations of the fairer sex for another day and crawl in bed with her husband to have him screw her in the ass like all other nights._

 _Piper stands in front of me, hands on hips and I know I am about to receive a lecture along the old lines. "What the hell was that?"_

 _I grab the shot in front of me my conquest had bought for me earlier, down it and then wipe my mouth with my sleeve. I then regard her above the rim of my glasses. "I could ask you the same thing, barging in here and claiming to be my girlfriend. I haven't heard from you for six months!"_

" _Because I needed to talk to you."_

" _You couldn't have anything to say that hasn't already been said between us." I walked past Piper but she grabbed my wrist and forcefully turned me back to face her._

" _I miss you, Alex."_

 _I twisted my hand out of her hold and stared her down with a deathly glare. "Shut the fuck up."_

 _With that I turn and begin to walk away. "You're leaving?" Piper questions me._

" _Since you found it so easy, why can't I do it?" I turn to face her and see the hurt in her eyes._

" _You think it was easy to walk away from you? It was the hardest thing I ever did, Alex."_

 _My anger magnifies at her words and I walk up to Piper and get right in her face. I don't speak loudly but distinctly, allowing her to easily hear me above the music. "You left me. Nothing you say will ever make up for that."_

" _You're not the only one that suffered." I can read the truth of this statement in Piper's blue eyes. All this time I had myself convinced she had never cared for me, simply wanted the free ride. Perhaps she had merely convinced herself that she felt nothing for me, only to discover she had been wrong._

 _We tell lies every day, mostly to ourselves, and sometimes, when we hear them often enough, we begin to believe them. I had often in the last few months after mom died, tried to remember certain things about my childhood, and frequently I could not be certain whether it was an actual memory or a figment of my own imagination. I could no longer ask my mother._

 _I looked at Piper and realized she was the only family I had left. After all we had been through together, she deserved the respect of me hearing her out._


	2. Chapter 2

_Soon enough, I had escorted Piper to my hotel room next to the bar. I had decided a private conversation would be best conducted somewhere away from prying eyes should things go south. I recognised the fact Piper and I had often been better at other things couples do that don´t involve talking._

 _As she entered the room, Piper gave a small gasp as she took a look around the expansive room, furnished with the best things money could buy, with champagne on ice and a hooker on speed dial. She sent me a questioning glare, but I crossed my arms in front of my chest, a silent warning to refrain from any questioning on the matter._

 _The blonde walked up to me and placed one hand on my arm. "I want to come back."_

 _I gave a glare like no other above the rim of my glasses. "It's not as simple as that, Pipes." At my words, she withdrew her hand as if burned._

 _She seemed to be waiting for further explanations, so I offered them to her. "You left because you couldn't deal with my criminal life any longer. I'm still the same person I was six months ago. Who do you think paid for this room?"_

 _Piper's response, when it came, was hardly audible. "What if wasn't your lifestyle that drove me away?"_

 _Without much consideration I headed for the white sofa in the sitting area and sat down, trying to absorb the information she had just imparted. Before she had left, I had not noted a lack of interest on her part, or any fights that might have been the catalyst to her leaving. It came like a storm on a sunny day, a band of thieves on the highway or an oasis in the middle of the desert. After all her promises, I had never imagined in a million years she would ever betray me in such a manner._

 _That was why it hurt so fucking much._

 _After all the walls I had erected through my life to keep people out, she had managed to break the walls of Jericho and invade the city, laying it to waist and turning resistance futile. I became the sacrificial lamb of my own love and was happy to be so. Of all people, Piper was the only one I trusted with my heart and she had thrown it down on the ground and stomped on it. The valuable diamond I had given her was in Piper's eyes no more than a worthless trinket._

 _Still, I had to know the answer to the mystery I had been trying to solve for the last six months._

" _What was it that made you leave then?"_

 _At my question, Piper walked over and joined me on the couch. "It was fear," she finally admitted to me as well as herself._

 _I turned my face to look at her. "What were you afraid of?"_

" _You. Me. This. Us." The explanation offered hardly seemed satisfactory. Piper went on before I could have the chance to respond. "Sometimes you and I seem so…" She left the word hanging in the air to make it more meaningful. "I could see how the rest of my life would be with you and it freaked me out."_

 _I arose from my seat and finally the enormity of her betrayal washed over me. "You mean to say that I gave you everything and this is how you repay me? I never lied to you about my job, who I was or my past. I provided you with shelter, love and comfort. I slaved away to make sure you wanted for nothing. And this is what I get in return?!"_

 _I was practically shouting by this point. Piper clearly decided to try and settle matters the old-fashioned way. She rose from the couch, came close and tried to kiss me but I pushed her away._

" _Damn it, that isn't how this works, Piper. You can't just go back in time and rewrite the past."_

 _Piper took a chance and closed in on me once again. "I tried to move on, Alex, but for some reason I can't forget. Everything reminds me of you."_

" _You expect to walk in here and I swoon at your mere say-so?" I couldn't help but snort at the suggestion. "Nothing you can say will fix what you have done."_

" _I love you," Piper admitted before turning away and heading for the exit. Before that could happen, I had grabbed her and pushed her up against the wall. I was kissing her like my life depended on it before I knew what I was doing._


	3. Chapter 3

_Overcome with lust, I pull her into the bedroom and remove only her black, lacy, underwear. She is wearing a black dress and I merely hitch up the skirt before unceremoniusly entering her. Piper isn´t wet yet and winces in pain but little do I care. I increase the number of fingers involved and soon, she is moving her hips in time with my movements, whispering my name like a prayer. It comes to me like riding a bike, remembering the movements that bring her to ecstasy, the words she prefers to have whispered in her ear, and strangely, I find myself doing all of them. She comes quickly, and once she has come down from the high, she pulls me down to whisper in my ear; "I´ve missed you."_

 _In that moment, I´m prepared to forgive her for everything, even walking out on the day I needed her most, out of sheer fear._

" _Now, let´s take care of you." She motions for me to lie down on the bed, gets on top of me and slowly begins to undress me, as if she was writing a poem. That night she performs a opera piece on my body, playing it like a violin with an expert hand. She alone knows how to move me in this manner. I come so often that I lose count. While this is Piper´s way of asking for forgiveness, it is also her way of showing me nobody loves me like she does. It´s unlikely I will be tempted to stray with my head filled with her in this manner._

 _I finally collapse from exhaustion and she lies down beside me with a content smile on her face, the one worn by the conqueror of the field. She rests her head on my shoulder but sits up when she feels the wet tears running down my face. "I know," she whispers into the darkness._

" _We can´t go back to the way it used to be," I respond as I wipe my tears._

" _We´ll get there," Piper responds as she lies back down and returns to her previous position, and I reflexively put my arm around her. While my lover sleeps silently I watch the flickering shadows on the walls, dancing as if in a world of their own, changing and moving with the lights of the city. Was what we had nothing but shadows and darkness?_

 _The next morning I am awakened by Piper entering the room with a breakfast tray in her hands. There are eggs, toast, bacon and fruit, courtesy of the hotel. Coffee and juice are also in abundant supply. I greet her and devour the food hungrily while Piper only eats some bacon and orange juice. When I have finished, I push the tray away and get out of bed. After dressing quickly, I begin to rifle through drawers and packing my clothes._

" _Where are we going this time?" Piper asks._

 _I do not dare to look her in the eyes as I throw a sweater into the suitcase. "I am heading for Chicago."_

 _Piper gets off the bed, walks in front of me and blocks my path. "What exactly are you saying? Are you leaving without me? But I thought..."_

" _Well, you thought wrong, Pipes."_

 _My lover stands frozen in place as I toss my belongings into my suitcase and start gathering my things from the bathroom. She finally appears in the doorway. "You are leaving me?"_

" _You found it easy enough. It worked for you, why not for me?" It takes all of my willpower not to turn and face her, to pull her into my arms and assure her of my love. Instead, I continue to throw toiletries into the small bag used for storing them on trips and avoid looking at her in the mirror._

 _When my task is done, I barge past her, throw the bag with toiletries into the suitcase and close it. I head into the livingroom and Piper follows me._

" _Babe, do you know how difficult is was to return?"_

 _I finally turn to face her. "Why did you come back?"_

" _Because I love you, Alex, you stubborn bitch!" I can hear the frustration in her voice. Piper walks up to me, reaches out to touch my chin with her hand and forces me to look into her azure eyes. "I know you love me too. Don´t try to convince me otherwise."_

" _Do you love me or the person I made you into?" With me, Piper had been rich and respected, the girlfriend of an influential woman in an uncertain world. There had been danger, excitement. She had clearly found her life after I had exited the scene to be less than satisfactory. "You were right to leave me, you know?"_

 _Piper´s hand falls to her side. "How so?"_

 _I grab her shoulders for emphasis. "You could no longer be the person you thought I needed. The new and exciting Piper. Truth is, I cannot play the part of Alex Vause for you either."_

 _Piper seemed confused and I continued. "You wander the earth searching for something. The truth is, the person you seek never existed. I am human like everybody else, Shoot me and I will bleed. Leave me behind and don´t ask me to forgive. You want some knight in shining armour, I can´t save you."_

" _Then what do I do?" The cofused look on Piper´s face pierces my heart._

" _You save yourself."_

 _I enter the bedroom to fetch my suitcase and place it by the door. Piper doesn´t try to convince me to stay. She knows it wouldn´t work. I pull on my coat and boots before turning to her once more._

 _I want to say a thousand words to her but they do not come. I wanted to give her a thousand worlds but never did. I wanted to be her everything and now she has nothing._

 _I reach out for her, my hands cupping her face as I reach down to kiss her for the last time. Love flies between us like sparks of electrictity and I feel them tingle beneath my skin._

 _Before I can change my mind, I release her, walk towards the door and grab the suitcase. With one final parting look, I enter into my future and close the door on my past._


End file.
